Journals
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” Maya Angelou
“You are of more value than a one-night stand.
Than the smell of manipulation left on you by his hand.
Yes, those painful memories, I promise they’ll be healed.
Devine purpose will soon be revealed.”
“Soon”
-JRK
“The Wind from 99’ Christmas”.
-Jamielle R K
I used to look in the mirror wanting to see another face.
Staring at myself and features; wishing I was another race.
Compliments to myself clothed in raggedy critiques.
Feeling more uncertain of my strengths much more than my mouth speaks.
That time is in the past now, so far gone like the wind from 99’ Christmas.
The same wind that blew in my face as I spun around looking at the pepper lights.
My mind is at peace now, no more loud talking, things are at ease now.
Taking the time to sit and enjoy the breeze now.
Staying young forever because my skin got on all this Shea Butter.
From negative people and situations, she declutters.
My skin to me now? Like flowers, placed perfectly in a porcelain vase.
Realizing my strength was always in the reflection from which I gazed.
Bobbles, broken combs, and bantu knots…
Childhood memories I now cherish. Hair coiled and pointing to the heavens,
Like my ancestors this thickness cannot perish… They live in me.
Days upon days prayers of gratitude; no longer in a place of solitude.
I am destined for greatness! A mantra in my head stuck on repeat.
I was born to be a leader, as a shepherd to His sheep.
Like all great heroes before us, made to believe their passion was forbidden.
Erase that propaganda! … “A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.”
“That kind of love”
-Jamielle R K
I desire a love that is oh so deep; for more shallow waters a whale would seek.A love so pure, it could be the cure for any broken heart. I want a love that feels like silk, the finest and most luxurious. That heightens your senses with every touch, for a love like that I crave so much. I want a love that’s stimulating, to my mind, body, and soul.A love that will always be engaging, this love will never grow old. I want a love that will hold my hand even when I’ve fallen down.A love so strong it could hold on long.I want a love that will fill me up, food my body will now deny.There will be no room for nothing but love, this love cannot untie.I want a love that shines so bright, the stars would all be jealous.The kind of love that shows the way no map could never tell us.I want a love that when embodied, its reflection would be you.I want a love... that kind of love... for a love like that is true.
“Grateful”
As tears of defeat run from my eyes enough to fill a bucket a basketball court size.
I am reminded that the footprints were not mine but yours in the sand.
I have been through so much drought, that even my heart blisters. No oasis in sight, my mind whispers...
Soft cries that tell me I am not worthy of being loved, and yet, You still do.
And not the kind of love that the enemy mistakes for his own, the love you have for me is worth taking a nail through your bone.
Even when I fall short; there you are to pick me up. Opening padlocks on doors and filling water in empty my cup.
Teaching me that no weapon formed against me shall prosper. God you are so worthy I gladly place my name on your duty roster.
For you took me from dark to light. My mind at peace, no longer in a fight. On my knees I surrender my life.
For I am forever grateful.
- Jamielle R K
“Best of Me”
Here it comes again knock, knock, knocking on my door. If points were being taken 0-1 would be the score. The lead would be yours; this feeling always gets the best of me. Taking all my parts; an invisible enemy.
Anxiety always gets the best of me.
Here it comes again knock, knock, knocking on my door. If points were being taken 2-0 would be the score. The lead would be mine; this feeling won’t get the best of me. Taking back all my parts; prepare to do an ectomy.
Anxiety won’t get the best of me.
-Jamielle R K
“Stained Eyes”
Standing still.
All you hear is breathing.
Contemplating is it even worth breathing?
Heart beating fast nothing to believe in.
Wondering when you’ll be dealt your next beating.
Stained eyes, contained eyes, lied too, restrained eyes.
Hurt, pain, abandoned, misled... The feeling that joy will only come when you’re dead.
Fighting a losing battle over and over.
Why can’t someone help you? No need to stay sober.
Why love yourself, when yourself only brings you agony.
There’s no one to blame, feels like the whole world is mad at me.
Knees bent, back arched, falling to the ground.
Screaming at the top of my lungs but no one hears a sound.
I was wrong someone did hear, He picked me back up.
He said in a sweet voice, my child get up on your feet.
It is because of you many children will eat.
See this life you had was indeed to prepare you.
Give you the strength that will stare you.
No evil will dare come near you. Rise up my child and go lead the blind.
I have always been there. Just treading behind.
All of a sudden, these stained eyes became clear.
I will walk tall on my journey for I know now, God is near.
-Jamielle R K
“‘Sankofa’, said the Wind”
I found myself staring at the wind, captivated by the way she moves.
Dancing back and forth sharing stories as she grooves.
I began to listen closely; the story was clear as day.
“The journey will be rewarding”, she said… but you must look back the way you came.
I thought to myself, why look backwards as my feet proceeds north.
Will I not fall or get confused not remembering why I was moving forth?
The wind kindly answered, as she gently brushed against my skin.
In order for you to grow you must be willing to look from within.
You must revisit your past, but there you should not dwell.
For your past is filled with history so rich that you must tell.
To truly appreciate where you are going, you must first acknowledge where you have been.
There are lessons in your mistakes valuable to making you win.
So, dance wind dance! My zest trembled the leaves.
If I do the same no more will my joy be stolen by life’s thieves.
That’s doubt, fear, self-loathing and my regretful thoughts.
The price for life to be purposeful is free of cost.
She told me the journey will not be easy, but it is filled with many rewards.
Your choices will be made clearly, and you will know exactly what you’re moving towards.
I thought to myself once again, this must be why the wind likes to prance.
Sankofa. Looking back, moving forward, gives our lives a better chance.
-Jamielle R K
“Senses”
Like the thirst my throat feels when longing for water.
And, the assurance of air dancing through my nose.
The guaranteed blinking of my eyes.
A familiar touch my back knows.
The sound of my voice as I share this with you,
As sure as these, so is my love… times two.
-JRK